Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
