Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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