i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
