Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
