its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
