Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
