I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
