I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize