I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
