I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
