someone threw a dead crab at me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
