he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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