Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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