I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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