I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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