Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
