Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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