He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
