I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
