There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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