3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
