i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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