just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
