i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
