Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
