You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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