we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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