if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
