There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
God, I missed his penis.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
