If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need a beard to bite.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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