I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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