I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
