I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
