thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
