she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
operation have a gay friend backfired
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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