there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize