Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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