I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
