I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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