The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
