I think i peed on brittanys purse
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize