You just made me feel so damn special
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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