I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
