tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
