Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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