Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
