im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize