thus making me awesome and them whores
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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