I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
