Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
