Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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