How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
