False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
