If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
