we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
