people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
