My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
