We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
