my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
