Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
